aah, israel...

nothing is quite as classy as having your glamourshot painted on a dinner plate...

or is as heartwarming as smoking in front of a toy store...

as joyful as two years of obligatory military service...

or as comforting as streetsigns making sure you say your obligatory prayer... before you die.

i love getting mail :D

this is me & my buddy schuyler

these are our toes

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~ she sent me a letter on friday ~

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i love getting mail :D

happy randomness :D

here's a random photo of yas and me trying reeeeeeally hard not to drop davidngianni's wedding cake...

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even more random now that yas has appeared in my office at the world centre!

who'da thunk it?

the random happiness of meeting yas :D
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p.s. mami, that was one of the happiest trips-- happy and hectic-- i made you come back to costa rica, even if just for a weekend, before you could forget how wonderful it is and that it's home... we should do it again... soon!

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~ my flatmates anahita & faranak ~

they're so sweet... when i come home from the cold windy outside, it's always warm and yummy smelling inside... sigh.

they're throwing me a moving-out party tonight... lots of dancing and laughing to be had...

twill miss living with them!

~*~ dias sagrados ~*~

the twin holy days celebrating the birth of the Bab and the birth of Baha'u'llah came at the perfect time... it was such a nice break from going full-speed ahead with work during the day and a million activities to go to at night... i slept in, called my family, ate with my flatmates, packed for my upcoming move (woohoo!) and then went to the programmes at the seat of the universal house of justice.... even though i come here everyday, its still really special to feel at least a thousand people sitting together in the concourse, listening to prayers being chanted, and then being part of a sea of people circumambulating the shrine.... so peaceful...

aleluya!!!!

happyhappyjoyjoy!!!

~*~

this saturday i am (finally!) moving!!!! so exciting... so close to work, no more taxis, no more taxi drivers yelling, no more standing in the rain!

WOOHOO!!!

fellow snugglylions :)

corinne, anahita, faranak & carla ... and me & patrik in our own world...!

even when all i want to do is sleep, no puedo resistir mover las caderas... my flatmates turned on some salsa last night and wanted some lessons, so after dancing with the gals, aproveche unos bailes con patrik ... who know cameroonians had such sangre latina in them ? :D

book 5 study circle

i am having the best time with my study circle! we're studying book 5 (which i juuuuust finished myself, so i was a little scared of acting as tutor at first...) and we just laugh so much! we had a good class last night, focusing on skills for storytelling... and we only have one more class together... the group was put together kind of at random, so it's this beautiful assortment of folks from different backgrounds, different experiences... 'tis great :) i'm going to miss seeing them every week!

~*~ que mujer! ~*~

aria in art--- look, she's even wearing a pink robe! jiji

i talked to aria last night, despues de tanto tiempo sin poder conversar con ella ~ it was so nice to talk and laugh and cry and then laugh again! i think the hardest thing about being far away is only being able to connect through phone and random blog entries (hehehe)... i miss saturday mornings sitting on on our blue couch with our blue&white flowery mugs drinking cafecito, looking out at all the sunvillagers, giggling like little munchkins :)

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i don't think i ever expressed how amazed and impressed and proud i was of her, and how honored i was to be at the birth of sasha... it happened so fast in my mind, although for her i'm sure the minutes couldn't go fast enough!, because i had just arrived and was just getting used to seeing her with her pansota preciosa... the contractions had started already when she picked me up from the airport (que mujer!)... she was so strong, so focused, and so pleasant (as only aria can be in the most difficult situations!) throughout the whole labor, and when it came time to push, all her energy was concentrated on that one task... i couldn't stop the tears from coming when sasha was actually born (though i did have to literally stop myself from trying to catch her as she came out! soooo tempting to pretend i'm a midwife already!) and then to see aria and james lying together, cuddiling sasha just minutes after she came into this world, looking so in love with eachother and so amazed at what had just been accomplished... i was in such a daze afterwards, giving them time together with their new daughter, i couldn't believe i had just witnessed such an awe-inspiring thing!

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oh, and by far, my most "que mujer!" moment was watching aria snore peacefully as they sewed her stitches... :D

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...sleep... mmmm.....

despues de tantas trasnochadas, anoche dormi mis ocho horas completitas... que rico....

love & babies

i spoke with hoda today, who mamita asked me to talk to as a counsellor of sorts, and as someone she trusts to give me sound advice ~ hoda is an amazing woman and i truly admire her... es muy inteligente, muy capaz, muy perspicaz... me hablo sin barreras, sin censurar lo que estaba pensando, y fue una conversacion buenisima... le conte que estaba conociendo a alguien, y que mi mami me habia pedido que hablara con ella para ver lo que ella pensaba sobre los matrimonios que ocurren en el BWC... she had some very interesting things to say... she started out saying that she's spoken with several house members about this topic, and that one of them mentioned to her that the divorce rate among those who marry at the world centre is lower than that of the "outside world" (1/3 vs 1/2). not what i imagined-- i guess you just hear more about divorces that occur here, and people tend to blame having met in this surreal place as a reason for their separation... anyway, she also said it was important to analyze the person's motives for wanting to marry (both your own and the person you're considering)... which was interesting, because although i have steered clear of the obvious wife-hunters (and believe me, there are plenty of them here!), i hadn't thought what my own motives might be... for about a year now i've when i pray, or make a wish on a star or silly things like that, i always ask for "love and babies"... love and babies.... and i have often had a feeling (a nice one, at that) that even though what i'm asking for is romantic love and babies that are born of that love, that i would be amazingly happy even if the answer to that prayer was the love i recieve from my sisters and to help them with their babies. truly.

and now, as the possibility for love and babies of my own exists... i feel this bizarre mixture of peace with excitement and elation... and sadness as well, that this is a fresh start, and not the continuation of my story with pancho. i feel strange mostly for imagining a life with patrik and looking forward to it, when i was so sure before that the only future for me was with pancho. how can any of this be fair to patrik, who is so willing to love me and all my burdens and to help me carry them through life, but who may not understand just how heavy and difficult they are...

i've accepted that life isn't easy, and that darkness follows light and light follows darkness... so i'm scared, i really am, of having my wish of love and babies come true, if it can all be taken away... i'm trying to acknowledge this fear, so that i can counter it with a stronger feeling of hope...

this got long all of a sudden, i guess i had more to say than i realized ~ back to what hoda said... she said (as did mami) that time will tell if the intensity of emotion that is felt from being in this instense surreal world is real or not... she said that, because her marriage failed, she feels that the best partner is someone who you are truly comfortable, who is a good friend who supports you emotionally... she said that it's important to not marry just out of the immense pressure young baha'is feel to do so, and that, especially here, to be with someone who you would have noticed back home as well...

and then, after all her warnings and "don'ts", she said with a big smile to enjoy this, to live it fully , see where it goes, and not to worry :D

good lady, that hoda!

by popular demand...

patrik and i last night, in front of my flat :D

sorry for all the mush lately :D

just feeling really happy!

in other news... mmm... my friend shirin is leaving tonight... she came in my same orientation group and lives just next door, so we've gotten really close in the last few months. she was only here to do some special (a.k.a. top secret) projects for the house of justice, so now she's heading back out to th ereal work. i'm really going to miss her, she does these great accents and always makes me laugh. we're renting a car and driving her to the airport after mr. dunbar's class tonight (at which i am supposed to sing the opening prayer-- since when do i sing? hehe) i think her flight leaves at midnight, so i'm guessing tomorrow morning at work i will be needing a loooot of coffee...

mmm. coffee. should get some right now...

~ yes, a thousand times yes ~

~ i gave patrik his answer last night ~

he is an amazing soul.

as soon as my nine days of prayer were complete, i called him, and at midnight last night i told him yes, yes to falling in love, yes to seeing if our relationship can lead to a strong marriage, yes to opening myself up to the possibility of happiness again.

it feels really really good!

for the last nine days i have been praying, begging god for signs that my flutterby-causing friend is a good man, for signs that he has a pure heart and nobleza... and i have received so many... but last night, at the shirne, i prayed and prayed, and felt that this was not the right question to be asking god... i had the sensacion that god's will is always done, and so from the beginning we need to recognize that it is all in his hands... but that a choice must be made, and that in my heart, my choice had already been made. the only prayer now is to learn to love this man, to find a way that our relationship, whether it leads to marriage or simply to deep friendship, is always conforme a la voluntad de dios. i am open to whatever it may bring, even though i'm scared to be too happy, or to fall in love too deeply, because that could lead to more pain... but i've come to realie, slowly by slowly, that i cannot be scared of happiness or even fearful of pain...

he's a good man, he really is. his mother most definitly raised him right :) he has very sincere eyes, and though very calm, he can make me laugh and laugh...

i spoke with mami last night, and she always calms my heart. i think that everything will become clear very soon.

foto de bahji day

here's the bunch of us! this was at the very end of the day, after many slept through mr. dunbar's talk... you'll have to click on the photo if you actually want to see my face, i'm in the last row, way over to the left :D

~*~

friday marked four years since i lost miguel...

~ "bahji day" ~

six months after you arrive here, the office of personnel gives you a mini-pilgrimage. yesterday was my orientation group's chance to go, so we arrived at the arc at 6 am, in the cold pouring rain, to drive to bahji for dawn prayers, followed by a talk by the custodian of the old pilgrim house and then off to ridvan garden... by far, my favorite part of the day... llegamos y todos entraron rapidito, pero me tome mi tiempo, y cuando llegue al portal, senti una brisa tan suavecita, tan linda, y supe que iba entrar a un lugar de paz. es un jardincito muy muy simple, con una fuente al medio rodeada de bancas azules... hay dos arboles de mulberry antiguos que nos protegieron de la lluvia que caia... no es un jardin como los que rodean los santuarios, es un lugar casi humilde en su belleza, muy tranquilo. tuve la sensacion de la felicidad que le trajo a baha'u'llah estar de nuevo en un jardin despues de tanto tiempo en prision, porque aunque no es un lugar ostentoso, es increiblemente bello en su sencillez.

despues fuimos a la mansion de mazraih, y salio un solazo (perfecto para resfriarse!)... y de ahi a almorzar y a escuchar una charla del sr. dunbar sobre la historia de los lugares sagrados... donde medio mundo se durmio... y la baba caia, y los ronquidos sonaban...

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por la noche me relaje, estuve conversando un buen rato con el causante de los flutterbies, y despues hable con mis hermanas :D hace rato que no hablaba con ellas, asi que fue una noche de mucha risa...

i miss my seesters...

part of relaxing about all this means...

just talking... and smiling, a lot.

something's a-brewin'...

something quite unexpected has come into my life, and even though i'm not quite sure where it will go, i've got flutterbies inside and am excited to see where it might lead ...

~ must be the moon ~

or something...

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some days it seems that loneliness will always surround me, and others, como hoy, so much love is being showered upon me...

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must be the moon.

tuve un fin de semana INCREIBLE... el viernes sali corriendo del trabajo a las 12 para aprovechar ir a bahji en auto, ya que sino hay que ir en colectivo, y no es una experiencia muy espiritual que digamos! estuvimos ahi como una hora y media, y no habia casi nadie en el santuario... fue una sensacion tan rica, estar sola, rezando, meditando en el lugar mas sagrado de la tierra...

cuando volvi a casa almorce con shirin y maryam, dos chicas tan dulces que ya van terminando su tiempo de servicio... las dos son australianas, una media loquilla y la otra siempre muy formal y cortes, pero de buena onda :) comimos tanto que me tuve que tomar una siestecita (taaaaaan rica... dormi como 3 horas y desperte como a las 8 de la noche, lista para festejar... jejeje)

cuando me desperte, baje unos dos pisos al departamento de ishmael, de ghana, quien estaba teniendo un "sing-along" con todos los africanos... tambores, bells, voces bellisimas, y mucho mucho baile :D

y de ahi me fui a la fiesta latina para merenguear un rato... por que donde hay un ritmo, sea africano o latino, ahi estare, bailando como loca!

el sabado fui a un lugar llamado "druze village", que no es un village, ni es tan druze, sino que es como una fila de souvenir shops (onda sarchi en ticolandia)... lindo, pero no lo que esperaba!!! igual me compre unas cositas lindas, unas telas de la india, unos candelabros de armenia, y unos vasos pintados a mano en no se donde (o sea... nada autoctono!)... fue lindo, pero despues de una hora de regatear, ya estaba lista para otra siestecita (porque estare durmiendo tanto?... sera que prefiero el mundo de los suen~os a la realidad?)...

por la noche fui a otro evento africano, con varios consejeros que todavia andan por aca porque se les complico el vuelo de regreso a africa, y fue una noche inolvidable... contaron anecdotas de como lanzaron el plan de cuatro an~os alla, con una revolucion ocurriendo justo afuera, con disparos a cada rato, con los grupos guerilleros demandando que les entreguen todo... fue increible... at one point they were telling everyone, "you must come home to africa, come home and serve" y yo, entusiasmadisima, pense "i WILL go home to africa!", dandome cuenta despues que, emm.... no soy de africa... jajaja

y de ahi a una obra en un teatro chiquitito en el jewish arab cultural centre, gozando de una comedia mientras afuera caian toneladas de lluvia... :)

~ twas great ~

i'm off to the shrine of Baha'u'llah this afternoon... or as my friend shirin (who took this great shot of little girl contemplating at the entrance to the shine) calls it, "the most holy spot"

it's a beautiful day here, the winds have disappeared, so i'm no longer feeling like i'm going to fly away with the next gust ~ this afternoon should be warm and sunny and wonderful, and tomorrow i'm off to the druze village to see what i can see :)

aaah... love...

"love is unlimited, boundless, infinite!"

~'Abdu'l-Baha~

five things...

today i procrastinated by filling this out... twas fun :D

Five things I plan to do before I die:

1. Find peace within myself

2. Live on an island

3. Paraglide

4. Deliver lots of babies

5. Make some babies?

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Five things I can do:

1. Laugh. A lot.

2. Dance

3. Make brownies from a box

(but they sure are yummy...)

4. Hugs

5. Procrastinate (obviously...)

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Five things I cannot do:

1. A cartwheel

2. Ski (though I’ve never tried...)

3. Stay organized

4. Give up my cereal addiction

5. Lie (no matter how hard I try!)

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Five things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. Soul

2. Laughter

3. His voice

4. Eyes

5. Lips

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Five things I say most often:

1. Shuah!

2. Cosita...

3. I lov-a yu

4. anyway,

5. miamorsh...

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Five celebrity Crushes:

1. Jack Johnson

(he IS my boyfriend, after all)

2. John Cusack

3. Johnny Depp

4. Jimmy Fallon

5. Keanu (gotta love keanu...

plus, there had to be at least one without a plain ol' "J" name!)

p.s. i changed my setting so anyone can post comments...

tell me your "five things" :D

* devocional con desayuno *

my new year's eve day started with dawn prayers at bahji (so lovely), followed by a breakfast devotional at my flat later that morning... llegaron como 30 personas, aunque solo estaba esperando tal vez unas 10...

pero fue una manana muy muy linda, concinando para todos mis amigos, riendonos harto, rezando juntos... varias personas cantaron sus oraciones, y fue una sensacion tan linda... mmm...

por la noche, ningun plan para darle la bienvenida al 2006, me quede en casa, tomandome un ban~o de tina, durmiendome tempranito... ningun beso a la medianoche.... jejeje...

i just wanna dance :D

man~ana hay una fiesta para los salseros del world centre, y tengo uuuuuunas ganas de bailar! hace tiempo que no salgo a bailar, asi que hay que cobrar tiempo perdido...

jo, the girl in the photo, has been to costa rica several times, and we're both wishing we could be there for paul and lorena's wedding... parece que medio mundo va estar ahi, el la otra mitad deseando estar con ellos ~ va ser increible...

the conference of the continental counsellors is taking place this week, so there's an amazing energy in the air... staff at the bwc got the copy of the letter from the house of justice to the conference today, and it's an amazing document... it's such an exciting time!!!
i've had lunch with tata, vargitas, juanfra, and helen the last few days, and it's been so nice to catch up with them :D but i guess eventually the ticos will have to start spending time with other people! (sigh!)
it's going to be a busy week, with classes every night and a breakfast devotional this weekend at my flat, and a salsa party on friday (jejeje...)
have to prepare for a study circle that starts tonight, i'm acting as the tutor for book 5, which i only semi-finished (not the first time i've only semi-finished a book... hmmm...) i'm thinking of having a lot of "guest tutors" come talk about different aspects, like storytelling, and drama, and have a group come sing for us... should be nice :)

mamita called me last night, worried after reading yesterday's entry... but all is well, it's not so much sadness as it is reflection... i've actually had a really nice couple of days, there was a pacific devotional the other night, and it was awesome to see everyone again, and then yesterday i finally ran into all the ticos who are visiting-- so funny to be sitting in the lunch room in haifa, israel, and see tata and vargitas and juanfra walk down the stairs... and then to run into helen in the hall! plus, last night i ate dinner with the khadems and got to see pictures of niaz in bolivia, along with photos of paul and lorena (who, by the way, is such an ighani already... she looks a lot like layla!)

i think though, that we're all missing home... even going to albuquerque didn't quite quench my craving for family... "just visiting" isn't the same as being around all the time... and i haven't gotten in touch with eriquita in forever! if you read this, i'll try and call tonight, yeah?

work has been interesting... so many people in the office are running around like crazy, working ridiculous hours because of the counsellor's conference, and meanwhile, i'm on the web for a lot of the day, just trying to keep my mind occupied when there isn't much to do... maybe that's where all the nostalgia came from... hmmm....

talking to a friend today, she said that she is at the point where is is ready to submit to the will of god, no matter what it is... to step aside and let him drive the car and see where she ends up. inevitably she will end up in an amazing place, one that she could never have imagined.
it's still incredibly hard sometimes to deal with everything that's happened, to conformarme con la voluntad de dios, aun si significa aceptar que pancho no va volver, que el corazon de miguel nunca latio y que no lo voy a conocer. but then i realize that even so, this place i'm at now, not even necesarrily serving in the holy land, but this emotional point where i feel strangely detached from my past life(s), from all the places i've lived and even from friends that i used to feel almost obsessively connected to... it's new, but good.
i'm almost at the point that my friend is at, to willingly give myself over to whatever god has planned for me (not that i ever had control to begin with, but...) it's really scary to think that again, it might be something that will be so painful and completely opposite to my own will...
i wish there was a way to know where we're all going to end up. to know if my sisters and i will ever all live close enough to not have to take a plane to see eachother, if i'll get to help raise all our kids together, if we'll all find this bliss that everyone seems to be searching for, or if we're meant to suffer by living apart.
i get these waves of homesickness, not for places or even times in my life, but for people.

what if the will of god is more pain?

...sheqels from heaven, they say...

it's been raining for two days straight, no ha parado de llover ~ por las noches me duermo escuchando la lluvia caer, y en la man~nana me despierto con los truenos y relampagos... para llegar a mi oficina curzo un rio torrencial en la calle, y el paraguas no sirve de mucho porque llueve de arriba, de abajo, de los lados ~

lo bueno es que todos los colores se amplifican con la lluvia, asi que no hay un white christmas, mas bien una navidad multitono, donde no hay luces en las ventanas, pero donde las flores demanadan tu atencion con su llamado colorido y donde el desierto se torna verde de la nada...

~*~ sasha layli ~*~

why oh why must she be so cute? :)

i miss being there already... fue una experiencia inolivdable...

no snow as of yet...

it's officially the first day of winter today, and all the frangipangis have lost their blooms... sigh.

~este an~o ha pasado volando, tantos viajes, tantos recuerdos... y ya casi se nos va~

me acuerdo de los inviernos en chile, de las heladas, de las caminatas entre el instituto y la casa del pancho, entumidos, combatiendo el viento y la lluvia, arrumados a la orilla de la carretera evadiendo los camiones y los buses que pasaban a todo chancho... y aun en esas condiciones seguimos poloelando... jejeje...

aca no hacetanto frio, pero si hay una llovizna constante... en las man~anas me cuesta levantarme, pero estaria mintiendo si digo que es por el frio... es por pura flojera no mas! dicen que normalmente en esta epoca esta mas helado.... eso de global warming de repente me cae bien... jeje

hoy voy a ver si me consigo otro departamento... ya voy saliendo para ver si me gusta el lugar...

~*~ sasha leyli ~*~

sasha leyli pyburn nacio el 6 de diciembre a las 11:26 de la man~ana... menos de 24 horas despues de mi llegada a albuquerque!!! parece que esta nenita estaba esperando que llegara su tia para recibirla :) fue tan increible verla nacer, aria tan fuerte durante todo el parto y james un apoyo increible para ella. nacio rodeada de amor, y tengo la certeza absoluta de que va ser una chica maravillosa... (o sera que simplemente soy una tia orgullosa? jejeje)

~*~ sounds of the world ~*~

more photos at http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/snugglylion/album?.dir=661c&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

~ laughter ~

ayer me entro una tristeza, de la nada... no se si fue por nostalgia, o por circumstancias, o por la posicion de la luna en mi signo del zodiaco... total, hoy desperte con ganas de reirme a carcajadas, ansiosa de ver mi familia en un par de dias mas, sentirme en casa ~ hay tantos momentos de alegria aca, pero tambien hay una soledad que solo se conoce cuando te das cuenta de que la gente que te rodea solo te han conocido por un par de meses, y empiezas a sentir la necesidad de tener tu familia y tus amistades del alma cerca...

pero hoy, hoy me voy a reir a carcajadas :D