talking to a friend today, she said that she is at the point where is is ready to submit to the will of god, no matter what it is... to step aside and let him drive the car and see where she ends up. inevitably she will end up in an amazing place, one that she could never have imagined.
it's still incredibly hard sometimes to deal with everything that's happened, to conformarme con la voluntad de dios, aun si significa aceptar que pancho no va volver, que el corazon de miguel nunca latio y que no lo voy a conocer. but then i realize that even so, this place i'm at now, not even necesarrily serving in the holy land, but this emotional point where i feel strangely detached from my past life(s), from all the places i've lived and even from friends that i used to feel almost obsessively connected to... it's new, but good.
i'm almost at the point that my friend is at, to willingly give myself over to whatever god has planned for me (not that i ever had control to begin with, but...) it's really scary to think that again, it might be something that will be so painful and completely opposite to my own will...
i wish there was a way to know where we're all going to end up. to know if my sisters and i will ever all live close enough to not have to take a plane to see eachother, if i'll get to help raise all our kids together, if we'll all find this bliss that everyone seems to be searching for, or if we're meant to suffer by living apart.
i get these waves of homesickness, not for places or even times in my life, but for people.

what if the will of god is more pain?