inside myself

with all the excitement and planning and soon-ness of the wedding, i've found that i spend a lot of time inside myself, not necessarily worrying, but definitely thinking... trying to grasp what this new life will be like, what it implies, how it will all come together. a wedding is just a day, a really nice day filled with people who love you wishing you well, but what comes after is huge. it's joining your life with someone else's, with all that implies. it's a radical change, you know? and it's so bizarre that i'm doing this for the second time.

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and at the same time, it's such an easy thing. to decide to live with someone you love, that you admire and respect, to make a family, to just stick around to see what happens, no matter what. it's almost as if, if there wasn't this ritual, this ceremony, to mark the difference between before and after, that the change would just be this transitional, easy, softflowing thing.

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maybe, too, it's that i've delegated so much of the wedding to friends :) it makes for a stress free existence! i just have the image of how i want that morning to be, very calm, very beautiful, very simple, and i know that if i start worrying about how many vegetable platters to get or how many chairs we need to borrow, i'll arrive that morning much too aware of the silly details and not aware enough of how unimportant those details are! :) it also means, tho, that i feel like a guest at my own wedding, which is an interesting feeling... highly recommend it!

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