for the last nine days i have been praying, begging god for signs that my flutterby-causing friend is a good man, for signs that he has a pure heart and nobleza... and i have received so many... but last night, at the shirne, i prayed and prayed, and felt that this was not the right question to be asking god... i had the sensacion that god's will is always done, and so from the beginning we need to recognize that it is all in his hands... but that a choice must be made, and that in my heart, my choice had already been made. the only prayer now is to learn to love this man, to find a way that our relationship, whether it leads to marriage or simply to deep friendship, is always conforme a la voluntad de dios. i am open to whatever it may bring, even though i'm scared to be too happy, or to fall in love too deeply, because that could lead to more pain... but i've come to realie, slowly by slowly, that i cannot be scared of happiness or even fearful of pain...

he's a good man, he really is. his mother most definitly raised him right :) he has very sincere eyes, and though very calm, he can make me laugh and laugh...

i spoke with mami last night, and she always calms my heart. i think that everything will become clear very soon.